It is difficult to pen an article when someone is lying next to you in bed shouting 'nerd alert!' and then rabbits on about what she thinks you are writing. Well she is mostly right and I do bang on about this stuff.......roll over please you are being annoying now........Anyhoo I do moan at the ability that advertisers think they have to 'target' me and to 'reach' me.
Facebook knows a lot about me (Facebook will not be around forever BTW, but that's another nerdy blog I guess), Facebook knows my age and sex and I assume what interests me and things I like because I 'like' some stuff. It might be a case of the more they find out the less they know however. I don't want 'insane muscle growth' and I don't want to meet these over 40 singles(and she's not even reading over my shoulder anymore so I mean it......although some of the pictures are 'reaching' me in some way). I'm also not desperate to buy more insurance now as I am over 40, maybe I should be. I really don't want to buy a second pair of trainers that I have just bought online elsewhere or rent the cottage that I have finished looking at on another website. It is clever that I can be given further opportunities to purchase but I haven't done that yet, maybe I will. Perhaps we need an online button that says "oh no i'm just looking thanks" which might get rid of the over enthusiastic virtual shop assistant following me into every shop.
I'm not really statistically significant on my own but I do know that online advertising does work. I have bought car insurance from an AA banner ad in the past. I'm guessing that their cost of acquisition divided by the cost of an individual banner means that I can ignore a lot of ads but that one purchase makes it worth while for them.
The thing that has really surprised me today and made me bore you with my ramblings is that reading Wired magazine ('Nerd alert!') I am quite surprised at the advertising within and how interested I am in the products offered - Electric cars from BMW and Renault, watches from Victorinox and Omega, a King of Shaves razor and an Epson projector, cuddly toy......not really the cuddly toy but most of the things advertised I am interested in and they are attractive ads.
So the targeting is not done from a multitude of clicks and a profile but from one action, to purchase a specific magazine. From this act they can tell a lot about me it seems. The new model isn't as sophisticated as it might seem, yet.
"Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which half" was apparently stated by John Wanamaker a very long time ago (he died in 1922). I guess with an online campaign you can see a large portion of what was wasted, but only after you have spent it.
Oh and while I am banging on about advertising who at Omega thinks that it is a good idea to put 007 on the face of one of it's watches?! I truly hope that this naff brand derailment hasn't worked for them. So James Bond (even though he is made up) is a man of superior taste and wears an Omega watch (without his number on it) - excellent I would fall for that, buy one, drink Martini and drive an Aston. James is apparently choosing an Omega and he doesn't have to, awesome I want one.......right up until the relationship, while commercially the same, is turned on it's head and Omega is overtly asking/begging James to wear the watch, Omega is defacing the watch with something that James himself couldn't wear......Blofelt would spot him (I suppose James always introduced himself anyway).
I wouldn't buy a watch with 007 on it but maybe someone with insane muscles, considerable insurance and a rude looking 40 something girlfriend would. It takes all sorts. I can't afford an Omega but I used to do my bit to keep the brand aspirational.
Monday, 10 March 2014
Monday, 3 March 2014
What Steve Jobs taught Guy Kawasaki
OK so there is this dude from Silicon Valley called Guy Kawasaki and he worked with Steve Jobs. It's almost an embarrassing business cliche to talk about Apple but I have just spent 40 mins watching this Youtube video so to save you time I will write out the 12 things he learned from his chum and then add my own notes (maybe skip those to save time). Or you could watch him here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DR_wX0EwOMM&list=PLSj6wd-HGGyW6uslb4kSzpxQheY22Ee6c
but it is long......so he says;
1. Don't listen to experts!
So the guy...actually he is called Guy, I have been listening to an American accent so I am thinking in American....anyhoo he says in his example that if someone says that they are a social media expert then keep away from them.
When I had my sights on being a dotcom grillionaire I went to Channel 4's start-up fund to ask for money. 4IP was looking at digital start-ups. We went to them with Doosport our social networking site for sport. What pees me off now is that on second...or third meeting....we spent an hour arguing with this digital investment expert, not about Doosport but about social media and about Facebook and whether Facebook made any money or would ever be worth much. I have since called the chap a cnut on his Twitter page. Experts are followers.
2. Customers cannot tell you what they need
Guy talks about phones and operating Systems and mice and all sorts of stuff but this is an old message from Henry Ford - "If I had asked customers what they wanted they would have said faster horses".
I like this one. I'm working as a Business Analyst and people tell me what they think they need all the time. The difficult thing is to actually get them to think of what they are trying to achieve and why, rather than what they are currently doing.........and even then they say something related to their current way of operating......worst of all your department will want to play safe and build what they asked for.
3. Biggest Challenges Beget the Best Work
It certainly hasn't always worked but my best chat up lines were presented to the best looking women. Actually I can't think of anything to back that up.......come back on that one.
4. Design Counts
It really does....I don't know where to begin with this one because it really does count. People don't like working with crap software that looks ugly. Yes it might work but humans need more to engage their motivation and energy. I have seen so much in-house functional software that works but just renders the human operator a functioning cabbage. When you are next at a garage lean over and look at the poor guys computer screen.
5. Use Big graphics and Big Fonts
People feel safer when they deliver a word count but people just don't read long documents. The irony of this statement amongst this wordy drivel is not lost on me.
6. Jump Curves
This was stuff about jumping to another curve rather than moving up it....stuff about ice factories and fridges...........example of Autotrader comes to mind, maybe relevant. I used to work for a TV company and everyone in TV land wanted, and still wants to protect their old business model. Newspapers are similar and they are struggling. The internet looms large. Autotrader was just a publication (every 2 weeks I think), they jumped right into the internet and now just look at how many car ads they have on their website at about 40 quid a throw to the customer.....actually let me see....they have 380,020 cars on there. The internet helps you to jump curves.
7. Something works or it doesn't work
This is so awesomely ignored in the workplace, probably because it is such a fundamental question that your mind moves past it to more trivial considerations! Guy talks about open source or closed, you can believe in anything at the time but if it works that is the important thing. It's worth checking that the stuff you have running works too.
8. Make something 'unique' and 'valuable'
If your offering is not unique then you will at some point have to compete on price, and you don't want that. If your offering is not valuable then....er
9. 'Value' is different from 'Price'
Basic Marketing. Sometimes takes customers a while to get this one too! But they get there.
10. 'B' players hire 'C' players - Avoid the bozo explosion! Hire people better than you
Congratulations to my boss.
11. Real CEO's can demo their product
It's fun to demo your product if you understand it, and if you don't understand it why are you there? Watch Dragons Den and once you get over wanting to Tazer the dragons you will notice that the presentations that are the best are where there is a strong affinity with the person and the idea rather than just a polished performance.
12. Real Entrepreneurs Ship!
Here he is saying get it out there! Your first version will not be the best but get it out there, get it working and learn from it.........there are always people who will give you reasons to delay something.
Thanks for reading!
As my 12 year old son said to me yesterday "you could work anywhere on your salary"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DR_wX0EwOMM&list=PLSj6wd-HGGyW6uslb4kSzpxQheY22Ee6c
but it is long......so he says;
1. Don't listen to experts!
So the guy...actually he is called Guy, I have been listening to an American accent so I am thinking in American....anyhoo he says in his example that if someone says that they are a social media expert then keep away from them.
When I had my sights on being a dotcom grillionaire I went to Channel 4's start-up fund to ask for money. 4IP was looking at digital start-ups. We went to them with Doosport our social networking site for sport. What pees me off now is that on second...or third meeting....we spent an hour arguing with this digital investment expert, not about Doosport but about social media and about Facebook and whether Facebook made any money or would ever be worth much. I have since called the chap a cnut on his Twitter page. Experts are followers.
2. Customers cannot tell you what they need
Guy talks about phones and operating Systems and mice and all sorts of stuff but this is an old message from Henry Ford - "If I had asked customers what they wanted they would have said faster horses".
I like this one. I'm working as a Business Analyst and people tell me what they think they need all the time. The difficult thing is to actually get them to think of what they are trying to achieve and why, rather than what they are currently doing.........and even then they say something related to their current way of operating......worst of all your department will want to play safe and build what they asked for.
3. Biggest Challenges Beget the Best Work
It certainly hasn't always worked but my best chat up lines were presented to the best looking women. Actually I can't think of anything to back that up.......come back on that one.
4. Design Counts
It really does....I don't know where to begin with this one because it really does count. People don't like working with crap software that looks ugly. Yes it might work but humans need more to engage their motivation and energy. I have seen so much in-house functional software that works but just renders the human operator a functioning cabbage. When you are next at a garage lean over and look at the poor guys computer screen.
5. Use Big graphics and Big Fonts
People feel safer when they deliver a word count but people just don't read long documents. The irony of this statement amongst this wordy drivel is not lost on me.
6. Jump Curves
This was stuff about jumping to another curve rather than moving up it....stuff about ice factories and fridges...........example of Autotrader comes to mind, maybe relevant. I used to work for a TV company and everyone in TV land wanted, and still wants to protect their old business model. Newspapers are similar and they are struggling. The internet looms large. Autotrader was just a publication (every 2 weeks I think), they jumped right into the internet and now just look at how many car ads they have on their website at about 40 quid a throw to the customer.....actually let me see....they have 380,020 cars on there. The internet helps you to jump curves.
7. Something works or it doesn't work
This is so awesomely ignored in the workplace, probably because it is such a fundamental question that your mind moves past it to more trivial considerations! Guy talks about open source or closed, you can believe in anything at the time but if it works that is the important thing. It's worth checking that the stuff you have running works too.
8. Make something 'unique' and 'valuable'
If your offering is not unique then you will at some point have to compete on price, and you don't want that. If your offering is not valuable then....er
9. 'Value' is different from 'Price'
Basic Marketing. Sometimes takes customers a while to get this one too! But they get there.
10. 'B' players hire 'C' players - Avoid the bozo explosion! Hire people better than you
Congratulations to my boss.
11. Real CEO's can demo their product
It's fun to demo your product if you understand it, and if you don't understand it why are you there? Watch Dragons Den and once you get over wanting to Tazer the dragons you will notice that the presentations that are the best are where there is a strong affinity with the person and the idea rather than just a polished performance.
12. Real Entrepreneurs Ship!
Here he is saying get it out there! Your first version will not be the best but get it out there, get it working and learn from it.........there are always people who will give you reasons to delay something.
Thanks for reading!
As my 12 year old son said to me yesterday "you could work anywhere on your salary"
Saturday, 1 March 2014
Product, Price, Plaice, Promotion
Our fish and chip shop is run by Chinese people, which is confusing but it is very good. It is only a mile away from our house but I still manage to drive past another chippy on the way. Someone recommended the 'Chinese' to us or 'Tres Bon' as it is named (again confusingly). So Word of Mouth got us in there and great Fish & Chips keep us going back. Not cheap, but great value.
These guys don't appear to do any promotion apart from the sign above the shop and a small sign inside for the OAP lunch, which does look tremendous value. So in Marketing terms these guys are in a place close enough to me but not the closest. They offer value but not the lowest price. They do little if any promotion (although the big sign above the shop does say 'Very Good'). They do provide a great product and WOM does the rest for them.
Perhaps some Marketing departments should just be smaller and called 'Promotions'? The other elements of the Marketing mix should of course be understood and worked on by pretty much ever other employee; most of your business activity is in some way Marketing. So take the guy on the gate to the next offsite and give him some cocktails, who knows what you might come up with.
One thing that I have noticed about a lot of Marketing departments is that theory and practice seem to live in parallel without much of a real connection. (I've worked in a few so don't take this personally) When you read about Marketing it all sounds very sensible with everything done for a reason, with a plan, measured activity, performance and a Return On Investment. In reality you hear Marketing types drop 'ROI' into the conversation confidently and often but rarely will you hear an actual number from them. An estimate would be fine, if it is reasonable.....and a number.
Do you need to promote your business? Well yes probably. In my local town there are plenty of pubs and few Market themselves out of the pub apart from Wetherspoons (which is full.....with very low prices). Many pubs are empty and sadly shutting down. Recently one of our pubs has moved temporarily, not the building but the operation. It has moved to an empty pub while the original premises is being refurbished. An unusual situation perhaps but they have moved to a pub that no one has been able to make work. In fact I believe the previous landlord tried to burn it down! These guys have the most expensive lager for miles but in quick time with a little spruce up this pub is proving to be a great success. So much so that when the refurb of the first is finished the business might have 2 pubs. These guys do engage in promotion both in and out of the pub, not much but a bit of social media, website, texts and a lot of friendly banter. They don't compete on price (although there is a happy hour) but they do provide a nice experience to a certain crowd which is a large proportion of this town. So if they can do well in a competitive market with a high price and in any place with some promotion then they must have a great product.
Do you do business with anyone that doesn't provide you with a great product? Actually let me ask that again, do you do repeat business with anyone that doesn't provide you with a great product? You might be locked in a contract perhaps and maybe you will not renew? I have a couple of those.
Anyhoo while we are talking about 'plaice' I went to Padstow or 'Padstein' last weekend. That Rick Stein, while being a superb chef, seems to know a great deal about business. We stayed above his 'cafe'. They promised good food and it was awesome, and not ridiculously priced, it was certainly value. The room was small but marketed as nice but very small. It turned out to be bigger than we expected. They made a promise on their website, they kept that promise and then they over-delivered. Therefore we are going back and I would highly recommend that you go there too. Marketing is easy if you get your product right......and build a reputation like Rick Stein.
My idea is for you to shut your Marketing department down for a month (Might not work for everyone so think about this first! In fact this will only work if you have a premises that your customers physically visit) Shut them down and send them out to work!
I work in a business with premises all around the country and indeed globally. Rather like the chippy we have physical sites with big signs above; they aren't in French but they are similarly to the point. Maybe we don't need a Marketing department? The company I work for is a gym company (alright Marketing it is a Health and Fitness company.........but in truth it is mainly gym right now). If I ran Marketing on day one I would shut them down for a month and send them into the gyms to help with our product. They could clean the place, help members and learn about the business. They are all nice people so in no time they would contribute to improving the experience for members and then WOM and indeed online WOM would do their job for them.
Then I would send them back to a smaller 'Promotions' department, baseline where we are and then run campaigns with predicted and measured Return On Investment.
And at 6 quid for fish & chips I reckon I represent a healthy Customer Lifetime Value so I look forward to receiving the invitation to Mr Wong's golf day in Le Touquet.
These guys don't appear to do any promotion apart from the sign above the shop and a small sign inside for the OAP lunch, which does look tremendous value. So in Marketing terms these guys are in a place close enough to me but not the closest. They offer value but not the lowest price. They do little if any promotion (although the big sign above the shop does say 'Very Good'). They do provide a great product and WOM does the rest for them.
Perhaps some Marketing departments should just be smaller and called 'Promotions'? The other elements of the Marketing mix should of course be understood and worked on by pretty much ever other employee; most of your business activity is in some way Marketing. So take the guy on the gate to the next offsite and give him some cocktails, who knows what you might come up with.
One thing that I have noticed about a lot of Marketing departments is that theory and practice seem to live in parallel without much of a real connection. (I've worked in a few so don't take this personally) When you read about Marketing it all sounds very sensible with everything done for a reason, with a plan, measured activity, performance and a Return On Investment. In reality you hear Marketing types drop 'ROI' into the conversation confidently and often but rarely will you hear an actual number from them. An estimate would be fine, if it is reasonable.....and a number.
Do you need to promote your business? Well yes probably. In my local town there are plenty of pubs and few Market themselves out of the pub apart from Wetherspoons (which is full.....with very low prices). Many pubs are empty and sadly shutting down. Recently one of our pubs has moved temporarily, not the building but the operation. It has moved to an empty pub while the original premises is being refurbished. An unusual situation perhaps but they have moved to a pub that no one has been able to make work. In fact I believe the previous landlord tried to burn it down! These guys have the most expensive lager for miles but in quick time with a little spruce up this pub is proving to be a great success. So much so that when the refurb of the first is finished the business might have 2 pubs. These guys do engage in promotion both in and out of the pub, not much but a bit of social media, website, texts and a lot of friendly banter. They don't compete on price (although there is a happy hour) but they do provide a nice experience to a certain crowd which is a large proportion of this town. So if they can do well in a competitive market with a high price and in any place with some promotion then they must have a great product.
Do you do business with anyone that doesn't provide you with a great product? Actually let me ask that again, do you do repeat business with anyone that doesn't provide you with a great product? You might be locked in a contract perhaps and maybe you will not renew? I have a couple of those.
Anyhoo while we are talking about 'plaice' I went to Padstow or 'Padstein' last weekend. That Rick Stein, while being a superb chef, seems to know a great deal about business. We stayed above his 'cafe'. They promised good food and it was awesome, and not ridiculously priced, it was certainly value. The room was small but marketed as nice but very small. It turned out to be bigger than we expected. They made a promise on their website, they kept that promise and then they over-delivered. Therefore we are going back and I would highly recommend that you go there too. Marketing is easy if you get your product right......and build a reputation like Rick Stein.
My idea is for you to shut your Marketing department down for a month (Might not work for everyone so think about this first! In fact this will only work if you have a premises that your customers physically visit) Shut them down and send them out to work!
I work in a business with premises all around the country and indeed globally. Rather like the chippy we have physical sites with big signs above; they aren't in French but they are similarly to the point. Maybe we don't need a Marketing department? The company I work for is a gym company (alright Marketing it is a Health and Fitness company.........but in truth it is mainly gym right now). If I ran Marketing on day one I would shut them down for a month and send them into the gyms to help with our product. They could clean the place, help members and learn about the business. They are all nice people so in no time they would contribute to improving the experience for members and then WOM and indeed online WOM would do their job for them.
Then I would send them back to a smaller 'Promotions' department, baseline where we are and then run campaigns with predicted and measured Return On Investment.
And at 6 quid for fish & chips I reckon I represent a healthy Customer Lifetime Value so I look forward to receiving the invitation to Mr Wong's golf day in Le Touquet.
Monday, 11 July 2011
Newspapers
Our local newspaper is massive. It only has a circulation of 10k but it is huge and old looking. It is quite lovely, right up to the point that you actually want to find something or recognise someone in the photographs. In fact, functionally it is mostly useless apart from providing a local browse function and taking money from hapless estate agents. Search is impossible but browsing can sometimes lead to some information that you didn't know you wanted. Ask most people here and they don't want it changed. People resist change (i'm not going to say 'comfort zone' here and if you use that phrase stop it). The Guardian went compact in.....(actually do you say 'if it ain't broken don't fix it'? you have to stop that too) I can't remember when the Guardian went compact but reading it today I don't think anyone is saying "ooh I'd like bigger pages". Change for the better can be made, resist and embrace change, it is your discretion that counts.
Discretion and newspapers, my goodness, media is fantastic and the fast changing world of media is startling. As if newspapers aren't in enough flux and just as Mr Murdoch seems to have invented a working paywall and is also on the brink of taking over his own world of media, some large weeds work their way into his garden and the public become outraged and his whole empire looks decidedly shaky. Schadenfreude can't actually be a German word as it is so central to our British psyche. That and feeling sorry for the undone so we will learn to love him soon.
The Guardian has been writing about phone hacking for years, literally years! I first started to get mad last year when the police seemed to dismiss the hacking of politicians mobile phones. What the blue blazes?! I just don't care for many politicians but only Prescott seemed to take this to a common sense 'Gelfdof' level. At first it seemed it was dismissed because all you had to do to 'hack' a mailbox was to call it up and use the standard PIN, not really illegal, bit like speeding. The wider implications of security and data and outright dangerous illegal activity seemed at the time to have been missed. The sad thing about our great British public is that they can't really be arsed to feel strongly about wider legal issues that they feel don't directly affect them personally but anything to do with kids or war heroes and then collectively we will bang the drum. On the positive side at least we have a ground level where the ball does bounce!
Now the momentum has shifted and how! I have struggled to read the Guardian since the installation of the present government. Friends say "The Guardian!...are you a lefty?"....or words like that. I tend to have always been a Tory voter but only through certain principles and no political party is aligned strongly enough to my views. I think I would have voted for a coalition, co-operating is more difficult than oposing. Anyway, The Guardian, knocking Labour was fine when they were in power but now some of the thoughts peddled, in comment, seem decidedly unnecessary and certainly 'lefter' than I had previously noticed. I find myself ranting at Polly Toynbee as the arch inventor of over analysis and avoidance of common sense. However, listening to the Mediatalk podcast every Friday and particularly last Friday's blockbuster with the calm and assured Alan Rusbridger and the thinking man's crumpet Janine Gibson, you know that you are in intelligent and rational company. There is no doubt that they are the pinnacle of journalism in this country and agree with comment or not there appears no axe to grind just information and well presented arguement (not you PT).
I have bought the NOW twice in my life and have actively avoided handing them money but how you can take an iconic title and destroy it like that is staggering and surely not the way to win friends.
I like you Cameron but as chopper would say 'Harden the fck up', you don't need to copy Blair and Campbell and the door is open now to set a new process. If there is a lack of integrity in government and in the press then you need to cozy up to each other but if there is integrity in both camps you can prosper as both adversaries and friends. This might seem naive and the irony here is that the wider public, the last adopters of this cause, the readers of trashy journalism were those needed to bring this to a mighty head.
Oh and don't start me on the police because words can't describe........and the mobile phone companies are they just sharing data and numbers at will?
And a last thought, I would like to watch Alan Rusbridger and Janine Gibson on a new BBC breakfast, a less childish version than the current programme, more The Today programme but not as smug and combatative.....in fact Humphrys and Montague should be sent to run NOW. Oh and not forgetting young James Murdoch, he should be made to give his MacTaggart lecture again in public.
Discretion and newspapers, my goodness, media is fantastic and the fast changing world of media is startling. As if newspapers aren't in enough flux and just as Mr Murdoch seems to have invented a working paywall and is also on the brink of taking over his own world of media, some large weeds work their way into his garden and the public become outraged and his whole empire looks decidedly shaky. Schadenfreude can't actually be a German word as it is so central to our British psyche. That and feeling sorry for the undone so we will learn to love him soon.
The Guardian has been writing about phone hacking for years, literally years! I first started to get mad last year when the police seemed to dismiss the hacking of politicians mobile phones. What the blue blazes?! I just don't care for many politicians but only Prescott seemed to take this to a common sense 'Gelfdof' level. At first it seemed it was dismissed because all you had to do to 'hack' a mailbox was to call it up and use the standard PIN, not really illegal, bit like speeding. The wider implications of security and data and outright dangerous illegal activity seemed at the time to have been missed. The sad thing about our great British public is that they can't really be arsed to feel strongly about wider legal issues that they feel don't directly affect them personally but anything to do with kids or war heroes and then collectively we will bang the drum. On the positive side at least we have a ground level where the ball does bounce!
Now the momentum has shifted and how! I have struggled to read the Guardian since the installation of the present government. Friends say "The Guardian!...are you a lefty?"....or words like that. I tend to have always been a Tory voter but only through certain principles and no political party is aligned strongly enough to my views. I think I would have voted for a coalition, co-operating is more difficult than oposing. Anyway, The Guardian, knocking Labour was fine when they were in power but now some of the thoughts peddled, in comment, seem decidedly unnecessary and certainly 'lefter' than I had previously noticed. I find myself ranting at Polly Toynbee as the arch inventor of over analysis and avoidance of common sense. However, listening to the Mediatalk podcast every Friday and particularly last Friday's blockbuster with the calm and assured Alan Rusbridger and the thinking man's crumpet Janine Gibson, you know that you are in intelligent and rational company. There is no doubt that they are the pinnacle of journalism in this country and agree with comment or not there appears no axe to grind just information and well presented arguement (not you PT).
I have bought the NOW twice in my life and have actively avoided handing them money but how you can take an iconic title and destroy it like that is staggering and surely not the way to win friends.
I like you Cameron but as chopper would say 'Harden the fck up', you don't need to copy Blair and Campbell and the door is open now to set a new process. If there is a lack of integrity in government and in the press then you need to cozy up to each other but if there is integrity in both camps you can prosper as both adversaries and friends. This might seem naive and the irony here is that the wider public, the last adopters of this cause, the readers of trashy journalism were those needed to bring this to a mighty head.
Oh and don't start me on the police because words can't describe........and the mobile phone companies are they just sharing data and numbers at will?
And a last thought, I would like to watch Alan Rusbridger and Janine Gibson on a new BBC breakfast, a less childish version than the current programme, more The Today programme but not as smug and combatative.....in fact Humphrys and Montague should be sent to run NOW. Oh and not forgetting young James Murdoch, he should be made to give his MacTaggart lecture again in public.
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Coaching
Just got in at 10pm having been in Birmingham VW Van Centre for the day. I did promise to write a blog so I dropped the shirts in the wash, put everything on charge, went upstairs kissed girlfriend hello and goodnight, grabbed a mini French lager from the fridge and here I sit to write blog. Having stopped at services on the M40 to email all of the issues that we went through during the day I find, upon my return to the house, some rather chunky emails in reply and issues from the other members of the team. Looks like we are earning our money and adding value, as always! A new system at work, unfortunately, is not like buying a flash new bit of software for your home computer. In fact, when a new and complicated system is rolled out across different brands in different territories, the ultimate beneficiaries long term, often get huge pain in the short term. “We shouldn’t have changed, the old system was better!”,you will often hear. Funny thing is that when a new system is installed you never seem to hear “Oh we should go back to the system we had two versions ago”…….that must tell us something. We might not see the improvement straight away at the sharp end, but when the transition is over and we are in full swing with a new system we might not notice just how well it is working! Rather like the Honda advert that showed all of the bits of a car working that we take for granted. Obviously I can’t mention Honda and would recommend everyone drive one of VW’s remarkable range of commercial vehicles. I might say that slightly tongue-in-cheek but actually, the world of commercial vehicles has changed. The centres selling the vehicles tend to be less flash than say, a striking Audi centre. Take a look at the vehicles though, and the cliché white van is not as ubiquitous as you might think. White van man gives way to ‘Mr Toffee Brown Kombi with an appearance pack and an ipod connection’. When you look at the Caravelle, Caddy Maxi Life and the California, you will see that the world of vans is more colourful and that work and play, in this case, mix very well.
So how are we helping with NVS (VW Groups’ New Vehicle System)? It has been in operation for a few months now, lots of early issues have been resolved, but users are sometimes slightly bewildered in some areas. When you have a mix of issues at once it isn’t easy to establish whether it is user error, a technical issue, or an external factor that is causing your problem. People need help in these instances and if they don’t get it, it can cost them money, and a lot of stress. At the Big Team we are all people who like to get to the bottom of a problem and find a solution. If we can’t own a problem and fix it, we like to make sure that we find the right person to take ownership and to fix it. Some stuff that we do is just common sense, and actually, it is easier to come into a project fresh, with no axe to grind, and to assess the problem and offer help. I was slightly worried on this one that people, having had problems, would be rather miserable towards us, as we are working with their new, and perhaps painful at times, solution. Actually, people have been great and genuinely keen on learning best practice and any information that will help them to work better. I also find that people are always keen to get their ideas and feedback to you and it is crucial that we demonstrate that they can contribute and shape their own solutions. That is what happened today in Birmingham and around the other sites that our team attended. Help, information, common sense, collaboration and happier more efficient workforce. Alright, it always sounds simple when you right it down like that but small steps get you closer to where you want to be and if your problem is not being able to isolate issues, small steps can sometimes be big ones.
OK I am on my second mini French lager now so I better wrap up.
Poole tomorrow and next week driving Cheltenham-Cardiff-Basingstoke- Aberystwyth- Wrexham, helping poor souls understand how to protect their stock from mandatory transfer and this time next Friday I will be back on this couch having a mini French lager wondering if I can save enough for a van. I’m not even kidding, and mark my words toffee brown is the colour you want this year.
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
viagra
This blogging thing is easy to not do, much like the gym, it's not really hard to do it's just easy not to. I think I have discovered that I am not that interesting.......by the way the telly is on, does everyone in America eat badly or do all actors think that their characters have to make lots of noise when they are eating.......my goodness I am boring.......no actor can properly act with an empty tea mug by the way, they get the weight and the balance all wrong, and the angle and duration of drinking, so if you want a realistic film, give them real tea or coffee.
My dinners ready i have to go, just had a meeting with a small woman with big breasts about websites, only got caught looking once which was an improvement. Built my first proper website this week. Went 9 holes in 1 under par and recieved a lot of spam about my car that I have advertised. Every email is spam so I just reply to them all asking if they can provide me with a penis extension and source me some cheap viagra. I don't think it will bother the scammers too much but it has turned an irritation into childish giggles.
My dinners ready i have to go, just had a meeting with a small woman with big breasts about websites, only got caught looking once which was an improvement. Built my first proper website this week. Went 9 holes in 1 under par and recieved a lot of spam about my car that I have advertised. Every email is spam so I just reply to them all asking if they can provide me with a penis extension and source me some cheap viagra. I don't think it will bother the scammers too much but it has turned an irritation into childish giggles.
Monday, 17 January 2011
VAT, CV and golf
After a major panicing session on life yesterday I spent a good deal of time on my acccounts. I have my first VAT return to do, as registration took so long to come through. I also have a company tax return and a personal one. Actually doing them all pretty much at the same time seems to make sense so getting them out of the way this week. One thing I have noticed about panic is that when the big picture seems terrible, a little effort chipping away at problems can often make the big picture seem much more manageable.
Finally got my CV onto two pages. I find it very difficult to write formally about myself in a way that will emphasise my good points. I would much rather write an overly honest CV and highlight my shortcomings, it would be a far better read. I emailed it to JB who replied "Doesn't much look like a CV". I took this like a man and thought better that we head this off before I send it out. Turns out I had emailed her an old page of notes about updating my CV so after a little chuckle reading that I could be proud about my new two page creation again.
I said that small chips at problems can make the bigger picture seem better, so much so that I nipped up the golf club for a bit of practice and a few holes. It might seem obvious that that was a bit naughty, when trying to get my working life together, but actually, after periods of not achieving much there is a lot I regret that I didn't do and forging towards golfing greatness is one of those things so it is on my list of to do's......a reward.......and a little distraction.
Walhampton Golf Club is a relatively new club, just nine holes and I suppose you would say quite easy. If you know about golf you will know that a standard scratch score for your club should even out any 'easiness'. At Walhampton the standard scratch is 4 under par, so all the golfing snobs who moan at some of the short par fours are not realising that the 260 yard hole will actually need to be done in 3 not 4. I love those holes. In the winter they can be anything from a 5 wood but today they were full blooded drivers. Out of the 3 shortish par fours I was on the green 2 of them and a few yards off on the other. Two ladies were in front of me and the tactic is very much how close you can get the ball to them without being rude. Obviously if you fly the green when they are on it, that is rude, and of course could hurt. If you land it on the green just as they have walked off it it scares them enough and fulfills that childish part of me that wants these funny little women to be impressed with my game. Everyone who plays golf thinks that they are better than they are. It doesn't hurt like rugby so if you are not good at it you don't get bashed up. You also play for yourself and golfers can be quite forgiving about how shiite they are and always remember the best couple of shots from a round, ah.....legend.
Circuit training next! awesome class. The little dumbells aren't too taxing but all that running around with my 17 stone and situps, sheesh. There is no mystery, you don't need scales, you just need to be fit. My 'core' muscles are positively unsuitable for lifting a large mans limbs. Some work to do there. Visually the class was most excellent. I always though that looking at girls in lycra was a bit stressful. I think that was because I would panic that I needed to do something about it. I am very happy in love so I can perv in a much relaxed fashion. Only downside is that relaxed perving leads to slow withdrawal of the eyes when you are rumbled. I am much less of a perv nowadays while outwardly appearing more of one!
Finally got my CV onto two pages. I find it very difficult to write formally about myself in a way that will emphasise my good points. I would much rather write an overly honest CV and highlight my shortcomings, it would be a far better read. I emailed it to JB who replied "Doesn't much look like a CV". I took this like a man and thought better that we head this off before I send it out. Turns out I had emailed her an old page of notes about updating my CV so after a little chuckle reading that I could be proud about my new two page creation again.
I said that small chips at problems can make the bigger picture seem better, so much so that I nipped up the golf club for a bit of practice and a few holes. It might seem obvious that that was a bit naughty, when trying to get my working life together, but actually, after periods of not achieving much there is a lot I regret that I didn't do and forging towards golfing greatness is one of those things so it is on my list of to do's......a reward.......and a little distraction.
Walhampton Golf Club is a relatively new club, just nine holes and I suppose you would say quite easy. If you know about golf you will know that a standard scratch score for your club should even out any 'easiness'. At Walhampton the standard scratch is 4 under par, so all the golfing snobs who moan at some of the short par fours are not realising that the 260 yard hole will actually need to be done in 3 not 4. I love those holes. In the winter they can be anything from a 5 wood but today they were full blooded drivers. Out of the 3 shortish par fours I was on the green 2 of them and a few yards off on the other. Two ladies were in front of me and the tactic is very much how close you can get the ball to them without being rude. Obviously if you fly the green when they are on it, that is rude, and of course could hurt. If you land it on the green just as they have walked off it it scares them enough and fulfills that childish part of me that wants these funny little women to be impressed with my game. Everyone who plays golf thinks that they are better than they are. It doesn't hurt like rugby so if you are not good at it you don't get bashed up. You also play for yourself and golfers can be quite forgiving about how shiite they are and always remember the best couple of shots from a round, ah.....legend.
Circuit training next! awesome class. The little dumbells aren't too taxing but all that running around with my 17 stone and situps, sheesh. There is no mystery, you don't need scales, you just need to be fit. My 'core' muscles are positively unsuitable for lifting a large mans limbs. Some work to do there. Visually the class was most excellent. I always though that looking at girls in lycra was a bit stressful. I think that was because I would panic that I needed to do something about it. I am very happy in love so I can perv in a much relaxed fashion. Only downside is that relaxed perving leads to slow withdrawal of the eyes when you are rumbled. I am much less of a perv nowadays while outwardly appearing more of one!
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